is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
