It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
