Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
