it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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