Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
