i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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