you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
