I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm both gender and math confused
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
