During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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