remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
