i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
