hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
