He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
All I want is dick and wine.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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