take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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