i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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