The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
