from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
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