You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
