My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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