I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Randomize
