I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
