Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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