But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
