just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
