look no pants
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
