2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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