now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
