I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
