girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
