so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
