I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Randomize
