ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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