he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
We have started to decorate penises.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
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