You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
