So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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