My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I need to calm my uterus...
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
