You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
