trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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