She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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