y did u give ur computer a hand job?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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