my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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