I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
