dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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