i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
