Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
