i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
