Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
