So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
