my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
