I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
