a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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