If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
