I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
