Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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