wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
