i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
