I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
